Two Jocks Next Door: A Bad Boy MFM Romance Page 10

  We also don’t need to lose her.

  “Remember the first weekend we went to see her in Nashville?” I ask. “She and I were dancing and you took her right out of my arms.”

  “And?” His fingers curl around the steering wheel. The engine purrs and the air conditioning blasts but we stay right where we are. “You cared? And you’re just mentioning it now?”

  “No, I didn’t care. But it scared her. She asked me about you. She thinks you might be jealous.”

  His face falls. He quickly lifts his chin up and tightens his expression. “I’m not jealous of you two.”

  I shrug. “All right, man.”

  “I’m not.”

  “I said all right.”

  “This is bullshit.”

  I stare at him. “Why are you being defensive? Huh? If you’re not jealous then...”

  “She’s just another good fuck.”

  I choke on my inhale. “Yeah, right. She’s more than that and you know it. She’s easier to hang with than any other girl we’ve known. If you piss her off or scare her she’ll be gone. We won’t be able to find someone else like her.”

  Kade’s hands drop from the steering wheel and he looks down at his lap. “Fine. I’ll watch it.”

  Just to get those words out of him is big. I’m not going to push my luck and ask for anything more.

  “Great.” I nod. “Let’s get back to the house. HBO and the couch are waiting for me.”

  18

  Tracey-Ann

  I turn my car’s stereo up. Ryan Adams’ voice fills the air, his familiar timbers comforting me. I wonder if Connor’s been listening to the playlist I shared with him.

  I should be excited about going back to campus. School starts in just over a week and I've actually missed going to classes. There's also Lily and all my theater friends. I haven't seen any of them since April. Busy as I was in Nashville, I still got pretty homesick.

  And then there are the guys…

  The thought of hanging out with Connor is an easy enough one. He goes with the flow. Everything is simple around him.

  Kade is a different case.

  The plus side about the darker footballer is his intensity. Kade looks at me and delicious chills go through my whole body. He can make my toes curl with one glance.

  But it’s the same intensity that can be too much. He hasn’t shown the kind of possessiveness he did at the music festival since that night in May, but I’ve been wondering about it for the last three months. Sometimes Connor and I are touching or sharing a laugh over something and Kade looks at us with an almost… resentful… look on his face. Is it jealousy?

  A shiver runs down my back. I’ve never seen him get violent and I don’t think he would. He’s never told Connor or me to cut anything out.

  I slip my sunglasses further up the bridge of my nose. Thick swathes of pine trees slip by my car. Thirty more minutes and I’ll be back in Knoxville.

  Back with Connor and Kade.

  I gulp. There’s a thick ball of tension in my stomach. I didn’t know it formed but it’s tight and painful.

  I’m supposed to text Connor and Kade once I get back to my dorm room. We have plans to meet up at their place once I’m settled in.

  With each mile, the sweatier my palms grow. I don’t know what I’m afraid of, exactly. Maybe it’s just that I don’t like being boxed in. With Connor, I feel like I’m free to be myself.

  With Kade, there’s always an uncertainty. There are always questions on my mind. If he sees me talking to other men or showing Connor too much attention is he going to freak out?

  I don’t want to see them right now.

  No, it’s not that. I can’t see them right now. I can’t look at their faces and feel comfortable around them until I know for sure how I feel about Kade. My eyes sprout hot tears that threaten to spill down my cheeks. The interstate blurs in front of me. I’m just as attached to Kade as I am to Connor. That’s the really sad part. Instead of being into one guy and having to deal with the resulting drama and issues, I have double the angst to deal with.

  I take a deep breath and blink back tears. None of this is worth crying over. Or crashing my car. I’m working myself into hysterics. But I do need some time. With my internship, I haven’t had a lot of time to focus on my personal life. I need to chill out and meditate on it all for a while.

  A sign for a rest stop pops up. On the spur of the moment, I take the exit and pull into the far end of the parking lot. I grab my purse, trudge across the grass, and plop down on a picnic table. A couple a few years older than me walks by with their lab. The dog sniffs some grass while its humans hold hands and follow behind it. I spy on them through my thick sunglasses.

  It’s been a long time since I’ve had a boyfriend. I don’t know what that kind of relationship is supposed to be at my age. I also don’t know what a ‘hooking up’ type deal is supposed to be. I kind of just found myself in one with Kade and Connor. I went for it because it was what I wanted and it seemed right.

  But maybe things are changing for me. Maybe I want more.

  Not necessarily a serious, long term relationship. College doesn't seem the right time for one of those. I don't know where I'm headed come post-graduation. I need to keep my options open. But I do want things to be simple. I want them to be easy. I pull my phone out of my bag and roll it around in my hands. Just a week. It’s all I’ll need.

  Time to myself will be good.

  I call my parents’ house. Since it’s Saturday morning, I know they’ll probably be home. It rings a few times and Mom picks up. She’s thrilled to hear I’m coming to stay with them for a week. The drive will mean another hour or two on the road, depending on traffic, but it will be worth it.

  I hang up with Mom and open up the group message thread I have going with Connor and Kade. We don’t text a whole lot, usually saving talking for making plans. The last message I received is from Connor, telling me they’re excited to see me. My thumb hovers above the keypad. My heart pounds like a train against its tracks. I’m dreading telling the guys I won’t be coming back to campus for another week.

  Wrong. I’m dreading that I have to tell Kade.

  I quickly leave the group thread and start a new message. It’s just to Connor. It’s the first time I’ve contacted just him. It’s a lame move, I know it. I’m counting on Connor telling Kade the news for me, but right now I don’t care enough.

  ‘I’m excited to see you too. It’ll be another week until I’m back. I’ll stay with my parents until next weekend. I’ve barely seen them all summer. See you next Saturday?’

  I reread the message and gnaw on my lip till it feels raw. Sucking in a breath, I hit the send button.

  There. Done.

  I drop my phone back in my purse and head back to the car.

  19

  Kade

  I swipe the top shelf of my bookcase, reaching for the last speck of dust. Stepping away from the shelves, I survey my room. It’s looking good. Something about Tracey-Ann coming back today has sent me into a cleaning frenzy. I’m not a slob. I hate messes. Still, I’m not the most organized person around. If Tracey-Ann ends up coming over today I want my room to look at least half-decent. There’s no telling what the bottom floor of the house will look like, or even if everyone down there will be conscious or fully clothed. At least I have full control of my bedroom.

  My door flies open and Connor strides in.

  “You didn’t knock,” I tell him.

  “Seriously?”

  He sits in the chair and props his feet up on my desk. I give him a dirty look but he’s too busy staring out the window to notice. “Tracey-Ann is staying at her folks’ for a week.”

  I process the news. The summer is almost over. She's supposed to be back on campus starting today. It's not the time for an impromptu trip.

  “How do you know?” I ask.

  I have my phone in my back pocket. If someone texts me, I feel it buzz.

  “She sent me a text.
”

  I stare at him. “I didn’t get one.”

  I sound pathetic. Like a whiny son of a bitch. I hear the annoying tone of my voice but I still don't stop it. Tracey-Ann always sends a message to both of us if she has something to say.

  Connor scratches the back of his head and turns his face towards the door. He’s avoiding looking at me. “She knew I’d tell you.”

  I hear the grinding of my teeth and realize I’m gritting them together. “You two talk on your own now?”

  “No.” He drops his feet to the floor and looks at me. “She and I never talk. Not unless it’s in our group texts.”

  I can feel the waves of adrenaline rising in me. They surge down my arms and make my fingers twitch. “You’re lying.”

  He jerks back like I’m coming at him with a fist. “About what?”

  “You talk to her on your own.”

  He shakes his head. “Man, you’re going crazy. Do you hear yourself?” He sits up straighter and leans in my direction. “I like what we have with Tracey-Ann. I don’t need anything more or anything less. You’re the one who needs to get clear about what it is you want.”

  My teeth clamp together. I made a mistake by accusing him of sneaking around behind my back, but I can’t find it in myself to apologize. There’s a tightness in my gut and a pounding fire in my head. My thoughts and words aren’t coming out clearly.

  “She doesn’t want to see us,” I dully say.

  “No,” Connor quickly says. “That’s not it. She wants to see her parents. There’s only one week of summer left.”

  “She’s supposed to be with us this week.”

  “Is she?” He crosses his arms. “We didn’t have firm plans.”

  “Close enough.”

  “She’s not our girl. This is the way we wanted it. Or did something change?”

  It’s a knife right in the center of my heart. I don’t do relationships. Tracey-Ann isn’t some girl I want to parade around with. She’s more than arm candy.

  More than anything any other woman is.

  I don’t know what it means. I never wanted a woman in my life, but now there’s one I’m starting to feel that I have to have. I’m not sure what to do.

  Connor stands up. “I’ve been cool all year. There are plenty of girls around here I can get with, but I like Tracey-Ann. She just fits. You do what you’re going to do, Kade. Just do me a favor and think things through first.”

  He leaves, not bothering to shut the door behind him.

  I run my fingers through my hair. I start for the bathroom but turn around. I go to the bedside. I go to the window. Lawn chairs stretch across the front yard. A cooler from the party the other night sits next to the front porch. I hate this place. I didn’t know it till now, but I hate this house and this college. There’s nowhere for me. Not in the whole world. I thought I’d found a good thing with Tracey-Ann, but it looks like I might have been wrong.

  I have to talk to her. I have to know what’s going on. I can’t wait a whole week. If she’s done with Connor and me, I need to know about it now. I grab my phone and keys and pound it down the stairs. Connor is nowhere to be seen, which is good. I don’t need to answer his questions right now. I’m sick of doing things his way. He thinks he needs to monitor my actions like I’m some kid.

  My truck roars to life. I back out of our packed driveway and head for the interstate. I’ve never been to Tracey-Ann’s hometown but she’s talked a bit about it. It shouldn’t take more than an hour to get to. My head pounds while I drive. I turn on the radio but it just annoys me. I roll the windows down. I roll them up. Nothing seems right or comfortable. I just have to get to Tracey-Ann. I just need to know what’s going on.

  At the first exit into Randolph, I pull into a gas station and fill up. While the oil meter clicks away I pull out my phone and call Tracey-Ann. The phone rings several times. I hold my breath. It keeps ringing. Her voice mail picks up. I hang up and call again.

  “Hey,” Tracey says.

  “Hi.”

  The tank fills up. I put the cap on and climb into my truck.

  “Kade?” Tracey-Ann asks.

  “Yeah?”

  “What’s going on?”

  I bite the bullet. She may not like this, but here it comes. “I’m in Randolph.”

  The silence seems to buzz.

  “Why?” she slowly asks.

  “I came to surprise you.”

  She doesn't answer. I take a sharp breath. It burns my nose. "Just give me your address. I'll come over there."

  “Is Connor with you?”

  “No.”

  “Kade...”

  “I need to talk to you. In person.”

  She makes a noise like she’s pushing down a sigh. “Okay. I’m texting it to you.”

  “Good.”

  I hang up and put her address into my GPS. The route takes me through a small downtown full of old warehouses and shops stocked with knick-knacks. I go over railroad tracks and enter a neighborhood with ranch houses. As I drive more space grows between the houses. The trees get thicker and the afternoon light slips away.

  GPS stops me at a brick house at the edge of town. It’s almost complete night. A couple cars are parked in the driveway. The living room windows glow with yellow light. I park in the street in front of the house and kill my lights.

  I swallow around the hard lump in my throat. I’ve been planning what I’m going to say to Tracey-Ann this whole drive. Now that I’m here things are different. This whole trip suddenly seems crazy.

  The front door to the house opens. A familiar figure steps out. I hurry out of my truck and meet Tracey-Ann halfway across the front yard.

  The bad lighting outlines her face, making it hard to read her expression. Her tight shoulders and crossed arms give her mood away, though. I stop a few feet away.

  “Why did you come here?” she asks.

  A bottomless pit forms in my stomach. Asking myself that question is hard, but hearing her ask it is pure torture. I don’t like the answer. I don’t want to think about why I came here. All I know is it was something I just had to do.

  “Kade.” Tracey-Ann’s posture slumps. “I...”

  The words rip through me like wildfire. “You texted Connor and not me. Freezing me out like that is pretty low. You think I can’t handle the news? What, did you think I would flip out?”

  “That’s kind of what you’re doing right now.”

  Her accusation sinks into my bones. I run my hand across my mouth. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. This conversation is starting to be a lot like the one with Connor. I’m not looking to burn bridges. I just need to know what’s really going on.

  “Are you done with me?” I ask.

  Tracey-Ann’s arms fall to her sides. “What?”

  “Are you done with us? Do you not want to see me and Connor?”

  Voices come from the house’s front door. She’s left it open a crack. Warm light spills onto the front stoop. Tracey-Ann glances over her shoulder at it.

  “My parents are inside,” she says in a low voice. “This isn’t the time or the place to have this conversation. Look…there are some things I need to tell you. I just can’t do it now. Not here.”

  My gut wrenches. I didn't know I wanted this, but I kind of hoped she would invite me in. But that's not happening. Instead, we're standing in the front yard having a secretive conversation. I’m not the guy Tracey-Ann wants to take home and introduce to her parents. I’m the guy she fucks in her spare time.

  One of.

  Because I wanted things simple and easy.

  I already know this. I’m the one who started this whole thing. I thought I was good with it. Turns out I’m not.

  “I came all the way here to see you,” I whisper through gritted teeth.

  “I can’t do this here. My parents are inside.” There’s a tough edginess to her words. Her voice isn’t the one I’m used to. “Go home, Kade. I’ll see you in a week.”

  I don’t budge.
“I need an answer.”

  “I’ll see you in a week,” she repeats. “Go home.”

  She stomps across the yard and into the house.

  Every nerve in my body tells me to go get her. None of this makes sense. Girls don’t drop me. I drop them.

  They also don’t get under my skin.

  I move my feet, but it’s like I’m not in my body. I just go through the motions. I turn the key in the ignition. I put the truck in drive. I stare at the headlights cutting into the asphalt. Anger pulsates in and around me. It’s a heavy cloud I can’t get away from. I’ve been in it plenty of times. It makes it impossible to think or to do anything productive. It’s a wild animal that just takes me over. Halfway to Knoxville my phone rings. I snatch it up from the seat next to me. Maybe it’s Tracey-Ann calling to tell me she’s been acting like an idiot and is sorry.

  It’s Connor.

  “What?” I grumble over the phone.

  “Where are you?”

  “I’m… nowhere.”

  “You’re nowhere?”

  “Sure.”

  “Fuuuuck, Kade. You went to see Tracey-Ann, didn’t you?”

  “Why are you calling?”

  “I'm meeting Ryan and Andrew at the pub. Are you coming? Or are you with Tracey-Ann?"

  “I’m not with Tracey-Ann. I’m coming to the pub. I’ll be there soon.”

  I hang up and toss the phone back in the seat. A few drinks are just what I need. I'm not fully up to hanging with my teammates right now—or anyone, but going back to the frat house isn't an option. I'll end up thinking about all the times I spent with Tracey-Ann there.

  I park at the house and avoid looking at it. The bar we call ‘the pub' is a five-minute walk from the house. I jam my hands in my pocket and stare at the sidewalk while I walk to it. The place is jam-packed with activity. I push my way through the hipsters and wannabe cowboys and find my three teammates sitting at a back booth. I drop in next to Connor.

  “Sup?” Andrew asks.